As I sit here rereading my daily notecards, I’m being reminded of what life was like two years ago. The fears, concerns, and worry I was experiencing. Not knowing just how this journey was going to affect me. Would I survive the surgery? Probably, even though that is always a fear going into any major surgery. Would it be cancer? What kind of battle lay ahead if it was? Was I strong enough to fight it? Would I survive it? Those were all unknowns. Unknowns I had to sit with for many months. If it wasn’t cancer, how would I heal? How would life change afterwards? Even though this was the best scenario, there were still so many unknowns. I was petrified. I was scared to my very core.
Lets fast forward two years. I’m alive, in case you can’t tell. Praise GOD, it was not cancerous!! They removed the softball sized mass, my spleen, and most of my pancreas. I am “healthy”. As healthy as I can be. I don’t want to discount myself, but I supposedly have a decreased immunity, blood sugar problems, and a scar that has forever changed my “cute little” stomach. However, I eat healthier than ever, don’t worry about my weight, and am stronger than I’ve ever been. Every single day, as I manage my diet or get dressed, I’m reminded that life doesn’t go as planned. And that’s okay. But as a person who really tries hard not to plan as much as I used to, I still struggle with how life is different than I ever would’ve planned for myself. And that’s okay too.